Thanksgiving: What Are We Really Teaching Our Children?
How a trip to the library became a family tradition of gratitude.
When my daughter was very young, I wanted Thanksgiving to be more than a day of preparing food, eating turkey, and then falling asleep because we'd eaten too much!
That seemed like a wasted opportunity. Surely there was something meaningful we could teach our daughter about this holiday?
So I went to the library.
And came home with an armful of books about Thanksgiving. Having been born in the Netherlands, I was curious myself. What was the story behind this much-celebrated American holiday?
As I read, I discovered two rather different versions. One was the romantic story, familiar from children's books, about Pilgrims and Native Americans sharing a magnificent harvest feast.
The other was more complicated. Their relationship involved survival, political interests, cooperation, and conflict. And honestly, I didn't know quite what to make of it all.
How could I use Thanksgiving to help my daughter understand the values I wanted her to grow up with?
I wanted her to understand gratitude.
I loved the stories of abundant harvests, sharing food, and people gathering around a table. And I loved the idea of helping my daughter appreciate what she had, while recognizing the contributions of others.
At the time, I was especially drawn to the romantic version of Thanksgiving. Today, I recognize that the history deserves more curiosity and honesty than those children's books offered.
But the values I wanted to cultivate remain important. Generosity. Respect. Thoughtfulness. Gratitude.
And perhaps another one: the willingness to learn that a story may be more complicated than we first believed.
Gratitude became more than a Thanksgiving tradition.
I remember telling my husband that I wanted to introduce more gratitude into our family life. "Who wouldn't want that?" I asked.
So we began making a conscious effort during our family dinners. We asked questions. We talked about what mattered to us. We learned more about one another.
And we made gratitude something we practiced daily, rather than something we discussed only once a year.
Because how can children develop appreciation if they rarely have the opportunity to recognize and express it?
I wanted to raise a daughter who could become a strong, independent woman, while also being humble, thoughtful, and grateful.
And I knew that simply telling her to be grateful wouldn't accomplish much. We needed to make space for her to experience it.
Years later, the tradition continues.
Now that my daughter is in college, something rather wonderful has happened. We recently sent her some money so she could prepare a Thanksgiving dinner for herself and her college friends.
A chance for her to create a beautiful gathering. To share. To enjoy friendships. And to express appreciation for the people in her life.
It made me smile.
What began with a trip to the library had become something she could carry into her own life.
Not because we had lectured her about gratitude. But because we had made room for it in our family.
And isn't that something we hope for as parents?
That the values we practice together become something our children make their own?
What do you want your children to carry forward?
Thanksgiving can be a wonderful occasion to gather, enjoy delicious food, and appreciate the people in our lives.
It can also be an opportunity to ask questions, learn from history, and recognize that gratitude doesn't require us to overlook difficult truths.
But why limit gratitude to one day? Perhaps the most meaningful family traditions are the small ones we practice throughout the year.
The conversations. The questions we ask that explore life and ourselves.. The moments we listen to each other. And the simple expressions of appreciation.
Because what we practice with our children today may become what they choose to cultivate tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving!
May your celebration include not only good food, but also meaningful conversations, curiosity, and connection.
Want to bring more meaningful conversations into your family life?
Discover the three questions we used around our family dinner table to get to know one another better.
Download the free booklet: Three Questions for Family Conversations
Mooniek Seebregts
Creator of the Intentional Parent Blueprint™