The Stress Nobody Sees: A Working Mother's Silent Burden
What if peace of mind isn't something you wait for, but something you learn to cultivate?
"How do I deal with mom-stress?" Melinda asked. Then she told me something I hadn't expected.
"I've been stressed for years. Probably fifteen years by now. And nobody would know. I carry it all on the inside."
She admitted that hiding her stress was exhausting. It was draining her energy, affecting her outlook on life, and leaving her increasingly somber.
But today, something had shifted. "I will not be ruled by stress anymore!" I admired her determination. But I also knew that deciding to stop feeling stressed wouldn't be enough.
Working parents face countless situations that can trigger worry, guilt, uncertainty, and overwhelm. We cannot eliminate every source of stress.
But we can learn to change 'our relationship' with it.
What would you like to experience instead?
I asked Melinda this: "When you're not overwhelmed, how would you like to feel?"
We explored her idea of having peace of mind. Not a perfect life without worries, responsibilities, or difficult emotions. But a sense of inner steadiness.
The ability to feel grounded, think clearly, and recognize that even when things are difficult, you can find your way through them.
For me, peace of mind sometimes feels like a quiet inner knowing: "I am okay. I can handle what comes next. In little steps."
Melinda liked that idea. "But how do I choose peace of mind when I'm already stressed?" she asked.
Now we were getting somewhere.
You cannot change what you haven't noticed.
I invited Melinda to spend the next few days being curious about what happened inside her when she felt overwhelmed. Not judging herself. Not forcing herself to think positively.
Simply paying attention.
Her homework consisted of five practices:
- Notice your thoughts. What are you telling yourself when stress rises? Write down the thoughts that keep returning.
- Question the thoughts. Are they facts, assumptions, predictions, or fears? Is there another way to look at the situation?
- Recognize your feelings. Are you experiencing guilt, frustration, fear, sadness, or helplessness? Name what's happening without judging it. Or doodle about it.
- Choose your next response. Ask yourself, "What would help me feel a little more grounded right now?" Perhaps you need perspective, support, a boundary, or a moment to pause.
- Slow down enough to notice. When you're moving at full speed, it's difficult to recognize what's happening within you. Even a short pause can create room for a different choice.
Practice peace before you desperately need it.
Melinda and I agreed on something important. It's easier to return to a familiar state of calm than to search for one you've never intentionally practiced.
That doesn't mean stress disappears. It means because you practice, you begin developing the ability to recognize when you're overwhelmed and respond rather than automatically react.
And when you're less consumed by the struggle inside your mind, you may have more energy and clarity to address what's actually happening around you.
You don't have to wait for life to become less demanding before developing greater peace of mind. You can begin practicing it in the life you're living now.
This is self-leadership. Not controlling every thought or emotion. But becoming aware of them and learning to lead yourself through difficult moments.
What is your stress trying to tell you?
Sometimes stress reveals that we're carrying too much. Sometimes it exposes an old belief, an unrealistic expectation, or a fear we've never questioned.
And sometimes the situation itself needs to change.
The point isn't to become a parent who never feels stressed.
It's to become a parent who can recognize stress without allowing it to make every decision.
So here's a question to consider:
What thought keeps returning when you feel overwhelmed, and what might become possible if you stopped treating that thought as the whole truth?
Would you like to develop greater peace of mind while navigating work and family life?
The Intentional Parent Blueprint™ helps working parents strengthen self-leadership, emotional awareness, and intentional decision-making.
Connect with Mooniek Seebregts for an exploratory conversation.
Mooniek@greatparentsempower.com