Before You Do, Can You Decide Who You Want to Be?
Why intentional parenting begins with being, not doing.
Whew! I just spent five hours cleaning our home. On a precious Saturday!
And it reminded me of something I've been thinking about for years.
Have we started believing that being a good parent means constantly doing something?
Working parents are busy.[
Organizing, planning, preparing meals, solving problems, driving children to school, after-school activities, playdates, and appointments.
And even when we're sitting still, our minds often stay busy. Thinking about tomorrow. Worrying. Wondering how to prevent the next problem.
That's another form of doing, isn't it?
What our children experience
Growing up, I watched my mother being busy almost all the time. She had five children and didn't particularly enjoy household chores. Yet she did them, day after day.
She often seemed irritated, annoyed, and exhausted. It was as though all the doing left very little room.
And we, her children, felt it. Not because she didn't love us. But because there seemed to be so little energy left for connection.
Now, many years later, I find myself asking a different question.
What if we decided who we wanted to BE before deciding what we needed to DO?
Being before doing
Think about it. Who do you want to be while you are working, cooking, cleaning, driving, talking, listening, or helping with homework?
Do you want to be irritated and impatient? Or present, grounded, curious, and loving? And no: being before doing doesn't mean choosing to be happy all the time.
And here's the interesting part. The tasks we do, don't necessarily change, when we 'be.'
The laundry still needs doing. Dinner still needs preparing. The children still need attention.
But the person doing those things can show up differently.
When I remember to consider my way of being before rushing into doing, something shifts. I become more aware of myself.
My thoughts, emotions, and actions begin to work together rather than pulling me in 10 different directions.
I may move a little slower. But I act with more intention.
Not because everything around me has become easier. But because I'm choosing how I want to participate in it.
And yes, sometimes I forget. And forget again.
Especially when the to-do list seems to have developed a life of its own!
Your children experience who you are, not just what you do.
We can spend an entire days doing things for our families and still feel disconnected from them.
Because providing, organizing, and getting things done are important.
But so is the emotional presence we bring into the room.
Our children notice more than what we accomplish. They experience our body language, our tone, our patience, our attention, and our reactions.
And this is where intentional parenting meets self-leadership.
Being intentional doesn't mean doing less. It means becoming more conscious of who you are while you're doing what needs to be done.
So perhaps tomorrow morning, before the demands of the day take over, ask yourself:
Who do I want to be today, while I'm doing what I need to do?
And when you forget, as we all sometimes do, you can ask again.
Because leadership doesn't begin with the next task.
It begins with the person you choose to be while doing it.
At home. At work. In life.
Ready to bring more intention into your family life?
The Intentional Parent Blueprint™ helps working parents develop the self-leadership, emotional awareness, and communication skills to show up with greater clarity and connection, even on their busiest days.
Connect with Mooniek Seebregts for an exploratory conversation.