“I am the mother of four teenagers, and sometimes, it is terrifying to know about all the dangers they are facing. If it’s not bullying or cyberbullying-, it’s alcohol, vaping, suicide, or sexting, to name just a few others.
My children and I discuss everything: they know that no subject is off limits and that I am always available to listen to their thoughts, hear about their world. So yesterday they were sharing how their friends experiment with certain kinds of drugs and alcohol. Now, it is normal that a teenager will do that. We are curious by nature! However, from experience, I know that when we are young, we feel invincible: we do stupid things. Knowing that and the consequences these explorations might have scares me as their mom.
To be clear, as a teenager, I did some crazy stuff myself, most of which I would not repeat today. I knew others who went through pretty sad experiences at that time. Yet, remembering who I was, helps me to connect with my kids, have empathy for what they are going through.
As a parent, I am committed to regularly clean up my fears or get out of fantasy scenarios that get me super worried, that keep me up at night. So that when I listen to my kid, I can see them, hear them, rather than freak out, or give advice, or preach, telling them what to do. And that is why all my kids trust me and talk and share. They will come to me instead of trying to figure out the many challenges by themselves, in isolation.
I could say that, in being connected to myself, to my past and my present, I am better connected to my children. And I realize that our connection is their best defense. Even better, our ‘connection’ helps them to be independent.”
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Pic: Sammie Vasquez @ Unsplash